I too share your interests in game design and modern combat!
The biggest sticking points to me are the scale and the detection issues you highlight above. Naval warfare got a lot more complicated once aircraft (especially jet aircraft) and missiles arrived on the scene. Consequently, engagement ranges in naval warfare have steadily grown longer and longer, and in many cases getting detected is equal to getting engaged, which is then equal to getting killed thanks to the lethality of modern weapons. Having your destroyer knocked out of action by an anti-ship cruise missile launched from hundreds of nautical miles away is realistic, but not very fun as a game scenario! It's not just distance that is a problem, its also time. With the speed of modern aircraft and missiles, a ship is practically standing still in comparison. It makes it very challenging to model the movement of both ships and weapons on the tabletop.
It seems that the two approaches that have worked for modern gaming is either to pack in a lot of detail in a search for fidelity, in which case you get games like Harpoon, or to abstract things to the point where the game flows more smoothly and quickly, but doesn't capture reality quite as closely.
FWIW, I think my tastes range towards the latter. I think Rory Crabb's Naval Command game is a great example of this!